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The art of influence and persuasion.

If you desire to be successful or to make a positive impact on your world, you need to become a person influence.  Without influence, there is no success.  John Maxwell “Becoming A Person of Influence”

How do you master the art of influence?

 

Kevin DeRoo who I met through Tribe Syndication Association (TSA), will answer the how to question.  Being involved with network marketing for many years, building large teams offline and online he has learned the rules of persuasion.  Not only has Kevin learned the rules he knows how to communicate them.  In a recent post,  Leadership – Under the Influence he says, “When you learn to lead through Influence you will master the skill of leadership.”   I know that when you read this guest post by Kevin you will have learned the basic fundamentals, consistent principles that you must learn and master and teach if you wish to be successful

The Art of Influence and Persuasion  by Kevin DeRoo

The topics of leadership, influence, persuasion, are vast and they have been the inspiration of many books, audio programs, and seminars throughout the years.  One of the earliest masterpieces in this area is a book by Dale Carnegie.  Yes, you know the one, “How to Win Friends and Influence people.”  Although his book was written in 1936, 75 years ago, his book still has tremendous relevance in the world today.  What does this tell you?  Well it’s quite simple.  It tells you that the ideas and strategies which are taught throughout the ages Work!  The basic principles of success, leadership, influence are pretty much the same today as they were when Dale Carnegie wrote his book in the 1930′s.  And they will be the same in another 75 years from now.  I’m not saying that we can’t continue to learn and improve on these basic principles which of course we do.  I’m only stating that we must acknowledge these basic principles and embrace them before we can build and shape them for our own success.

I want to start by explaining that there is a very big difference between the art of influence and persuasion and the art of Manipulation.

“Manipulation is inwardly focused on the outcome for the person doing the manipulation.  Persuasion is externally focused on developing a win-win outcome where every one’s needs are met.” – Dave Lakhani

As leaders we want to be masters of persuasion not Manipulation!

In order for you to master the art of persuasion you first need to know the rules.  As I stated above, one could write a book about the art of persuasion, (in fact several have,) so to condense it into a short article is always tricky.  That said I just want to go over a few of the rules which you must follow if you wish to persuade and influence others in a positive way for both parties involved.

Rule #1:  Prepare and Plan

“The mark of the serious person, or the real professional, in any field is that he takes far more time to prepare than the average.  Great successes are often determined by attention to the smallest details.  One fact, one inaccuracy, can make all the difference.  And everything counts.”  – Brian Tracy

Isn’t Brian awesome!

When you take the time to prepare and plan you will be more fluid in your thoughts and speech when explaining to others why one path is better than another.  You will be in better control over the listener, and most importantly you will know precisely when to stop pushing!

Rule #2:  Listen and Watch

“Want to be a strong persuader?  Think Big Ears … Big Eyes … Small mouth” – Jim Randel

I don’t think that I need to go into too much detail here, Jim’s statement above pretty much says it all doesn’t it?  Most of you reading this article know all about the 80/20 (Listen 80 percent of the time, speak only 20 percent of the time.)  I just wanted to mention the importance of paying attention to people’s body language as well.

Rule #3:  Create a sense of reciprocity.

Another quote, have you heard this one?  “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

People don’t like to feel indebted.  When you do something nice for someone else, they feel obligated to do something nice back for you.  That’s not so say that you should just go around and do everyone favours for the sole purpose of having them give something back to you.  You must act with genuine sincerity which will build a relationship of mutual trust and respect between both parties.

Rule #4:  Decisions are all about emotions.

If you get anything out of this article make sure that this is it! I believe the source of these next few lines are from the Network Marketing master himself, Mike Dillard.

Every single action and decision in your life
is based on attaining pleasure or avoiding pain!

AND

The desire to avoid pain is far greater than
the desire to attain pleasure.

This is why most people give into their fears and
never do what it takes to make it big. The perceived
pain of leaving their comfort zone is greater than
the pleasure of being wealthy.

Where would your business be if you didn’t run by emotion?  If a no meant no different than a yes … You’d probably be a millionaire wouldn’t you, because you would just keep on going until you had all the yeses that you would ever need!

Rule #5:  Persuasiveness is about integrity.

Integrity and Honesty is Always the best policy

Remember these three points.

Deceit is transparent.
It takes more energy to lie than to tell the truth.
Karma:  Whether you believe in it or not, you cheat people, bad things will happen to you.

As I said from the beginning persuading and influencing other is a vast topic and I have not even scratched the surface on the lessons which are to be learned and mastered on your journey towards success.  What I hopefully have done is instilled that there are basic fundamental, consistent principles that you must learn and master and teach if you wish to be truly successful.

I wish to thank Perry for inviting me to his online home and letting me share with you this article on leadership, influence and persuasiveness.  If you enjoyed this article then please share it with your family, Friends, and business partners by clicking on any the the “share” and “like” buttons around this article.  Thanks so much.

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32 comments… add one

  • Perry…Kevin’s post has brought out some very key points by Dale Carnegie. Human decisions are driven by emotion and the art of reciprocity. Being a “Go-Giver” is the truest sense of reciprocity. I like his comment from Mike Dillard in the emotions & decisions are driven by attaining pleasure or avoiding pain. It si so true in so many people.
    Martin Casper recently posted..Simple Tips to Create That “Social Buzz” for Your CampaignMy Profile

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  • Persuasion is needed in order to be a successful leader. It is not a one sided argument. In order to be a successful leader persuasion must be used, but not in deceitful way.
    Beverly Knox recently posted..IdealsMy Profile

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  • Such great ideas all contained in a single post, Perry, thank you for sharing them.

    Honesty, integrity and transparency are such important concepts in any business. I don’t know that they are more important in network than in any other business, but I do know that if you don’t run your business with those qualities in mind everyday, your business is not going to be long for this world.

    It is obvious that you follow those ideals and I am quite sure that your business is going to do wonderfully well. And deservedly so. :-)

    Reply
  • Hi Perry,
    great article and quotes and suggestions.

    I like the quote you added : “Want to be a strong persuader? Think Big Ears … Big Eyes … Small mouth” – Jim Randel

    What you are saying, (and you are saying it very well) makes a lot of sense – – –
    Something still does not sit right with me in a way. If I ‘have’ to use that much ‘psychology’ to have people join my team etc. well then maybe I am not a business woman?
    Thank you for sharing this.
    Yorinda recently posted..The Tetris Effect and HappinessMy Profile

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  • Hi Perry,
    You shared some great points here, increasing your influence and having the ability to persuade people is a sure way to success no matter what is your expertise and no matter if your business is online or offline, thanks for sharing…
    Kostas recently posted..Your Guide to Social Media SuccessMy Profile

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  • Hi Perry

    Thanks for sharing this with us it is one of the most important things we need to master to become Successful. And i think many time’s we fail, Well i did last week. after i done it it was almost to late to correct but i learn from it.

    Regards
    Theuns
    Theuns recently posted..Most People Are Followers – Introduce Them To A Leader and They Will Thank YouMy Profile

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  • You always get one in every group. Someone who is happy to talk about any good service they have received or a great product that solved a problem they were having.

    They don’t tend to be the ones who keep quiet 80% of the time. They’re the ones who are out there experiencing what life has to offer and then telling people about it.
    Jo Shaer recently posted..How Does Twitter Work for Small Business updated Wed Dec 21 2011 5:43 pm ESTMy Profile

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  • This is a great article! I love the comparison between persuasion and manipulation. Sadly too many people in the internet marketing space try to contort what is in reality “manipulation” and pretend as if it’s “persuasion”.

    Integrity is the key- if your acting with Integrity, you can’t go wrong!
    Natasha Nassar recently posted..You Inc. Commandment #8: Thou Shalt Not Leave Money on The TableMy Profile

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  • Great article!
    I like the idea that as leaders we want to be masters of persuasion not Manipulation. You explained very well the difference between persuation and manipulation. Thanks!
    Edyta recently posted..Prayers For Stress: What Everybody Ought to KnowMy Profile

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  • It is certainly influence that a charity seek recruiting celebrates to be their spokes people and champion their causes. It is hard to say how many of the fans of these stars then hop with supporting the same charities. I suspect not very many. However having people in the public eye who stand up for your charity and say I’m behind this does lift its profile. I’m involved with my friend Jeremy’s charity Peace One Day and we have heaps of really very well known people who give there time up to help further what we believe in because they believe in it too…. I ? them all for what they do :)

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  • These are valuable tips, Perry! I like them all, and may I add also that having a sincere desire to help other people will definitely help in connecting to your prospects and in building relationships. Thank you for sharing!
    Cherrie Bautista recently posted..Do’s And Don’ts Of Social Media For Business [Infographic]My Profile

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  • I think that influence is a big thing that people mistake for popularity… and I have written about it. Without influence, you cannot flex that muscle of persuasion. And you can be both popular and influential, but you can also be popular, but not influential. For example, I think Alyssa Milano is popular (especially on Twitter), but the causes she represents, I really do not listen to, nor have had an itch to even support.
    Nile recently posted..How To Determine What Your Site Visitors Are Looking ForMy Profile

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  • Good Morning Perry
    Your post was a great read, Kevin Deroo is my mentor and teacher I have done many first with his persuasion , My first blog, my first Ebook
    I have learned so my by him, And by reading your post
    To Your Success
    Thank You
    Sharon
    Sharon Johnson recently posted..Downstream Focus – Focus Yourself for Success!My Profile

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  • While I was reading this guest post, it felt like I was listening to a lecture. Very well said and I understood it very much. I really think that this idea of persuasion should be applied not only in business but also in our personal life, like in our family. It will help the parents learn how to guide the children so they are all going in the same path. I just love this post.

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  • I have read the entire article and i can say that rule number is where I failed the most.

    Rule #2: Listen and Watch

    “Want to be a strong persuader? Think Big Ears … Big Eyes … Small mouth” – Jim Randel

    I dont understand, this is just so easy to do! easier than the other rules. But almost everytime, as far as i could remember I whave never been a listener and If i was its more on 20%. 80% goes to talking. I think this is a very nice and helpful article. To remind me that in order to gain success i need to as what you have written :
    Think Big Ears … Big Eyes … Small mouth” yes SMALL MOUTH.
    Crescele recently posted..Cheating – When The Punishment Fits The CrimeMy Profile

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  • Hello Perry, great post by Kevin!

    Very clear;- it’s is something that I have not given much thought to before. That said I am a person who organises and plans ahead of time for say presentations and meeting. I feel that not doing so would be very rude to the other parties :)
    Sadie-Michaela Harris recently posted..By: Sadie-Michaela HarrisMy Profile

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  • Brilliant stuff here.

    It is interesting that the same principles work that did many years ago. The difference is in the gift wrapping!

    Now we have too many choices so leadership is more essential than ever! This article gives great insight, especially the bit about emotions ruling your success. Our attitude is everything in life. It is what gets me up in the morning excited and ready for action.
    John Gaydon recently posted..Applying The Free Model To Network MarketingMy Profile

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  • I really enjoyed reading this post Perry. What a great article written by Kevin. Every sentence had truth and honesty all over it.

    Rule #4: Decisions are all about emotions, is definitely a takeaway for everyone coming across this post. And Mike Dillard is THE master internet marketer. He inspired me when I first hopped on line and he continues to teach and inject in me, more knowledge and wisdom about not just making money, but about LIFE.

    The quality of our emotions determines the quality of our business and life! Period. Man, Tony Robbins really said that so well so I ‘ll say it again: “The quality of your emotions determines the quality of your life.”

    Thanks for sharing this post by Kevin, Perry!

    -Jaclyn Castro
    Jaclyn Castro recently posted..Basic Settings for CamStudioMy Profile

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  • Hi Perry and Kevin

    This was just one great blog to read and so many to learn
    and share.

    i love this statement “Integrity and Honesty is Always the best policy”. If you only have this on this moment you are more than half way there.

    Regards
    Theuns
    Theuns recently posted..The Power of Intention: What is the Power of Intention and how to apply it to your business and life.My Profile

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  • Hi Perry
    Interesting points you raise but oh so true. We want to avoid pain but are we truly ready to step out of that comfort zone and achieve the results we talk about in life. a daily self talk for me.

    Reply
  • Thanks for sharing this post with us,

    A lot of great points above. I have read the Dale Carnegie book years ago and I could definitely benefit from checking it out again.

    Two of the points that stand out is being a great listener and seeking to create a win-win situation. They actually go really well together as you need to know what someone needs to create a situation that works for them.
    Paul Reimers recently posted..How to Write a Powerful Elevator PitchMy Profile

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  • Hi Kevin:

    Great thoughts on influence. You make a great distinction between influence and manipulation.

    Thanks!
    Kevin
    Kevin Martineau recently posted..What brings your soul satisfaction?My Profile

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  • Hi Perry,
    I agree with Steve’s comments above that the order of influence and persuade is critical to long-term success. Patience is a virtue when building a business. for some influence comes faster than for others. In this world of social media where almost everyone professes to be an expert, becoming an influencer is more important than ever if you intend to be able to persuade people to listen to you.

    Be blessed,
    Clare
    clare recently posted..An Evening with Relationship Marketing Expert – Mari SmithMy Profile

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  • Great post guys, since it seems to be a joint effort. I believe we will always be growing in our relationships and how to treat people with respect and kindness. Having a likeability factor is very important when it comes to relating to people. Learning the skills of relating effectively is a life long course to becoming a better person, so as you said listening is vitally important to hear the needs and desires of our friends and people we meet.
    Wonderful, valuable blog post!
    Appreciating You,
    Lynn
    Lynn Jones recently posted..When Life Hands You Lemons, Make LemonadeMy Profile

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  • Perry and Kevin,

    The art of persuasion is an essential skill to develop. Without it, you are easily pushed aside, easily discouraged and not respected. When you stand up for what you believe is true, what matters most to you, and you convince others to give you what you want – because you have shown how it is beneficial to them as well – then you can feel good about yourself and your life. When you have difficulty persuading others, you can feel ignored, undervalued and discouraged.
    I love the quote from Jim Randel “Want to be a strong persuader? Think Big Ears … Big Eyes … Small mouth” It really helps to listen to what others say they want – and then deliver it if you can.

    Dr. Erica
    Dr. Erica Goodstone recently posted..How Vulnerable Are YOU Willing to Be – In Love, In Business, In Your Life?My Profile

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  • Perry, you’ve given us great insight via Kevin (and Brian).

    I think what it really boils down to is that influence and persuasion require authenticity. Truly and sincerely approach each person you encounter with an understanding of what they need, and even more, what they fear… related to their needs and fears… and address them directly and honestly.

    You can never go wrong using this approach in any of your relationships, not least of which includes your business relationships.
    David Merrill recently posted..How To Be A Profit “Producer”, Not A Run-of-the-Mill “Multi-Tasker”My Profile

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  • Perry,

    Great post here about leadership and persuasion.

    Whenever I feel like I am not using the right approach to working with others I read How To Win Friends and Influence People.

    Andy
    Andy Nathan recently posted..The New New Facebook ProfileMy Profile

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  • I have that book on audio. Your post reminds me I should listen to it again. I have been studying influence in marketing lately. I am taking a NPL Certification course and I am finding it all very interesting.
    Melodie Kantner recently posted..Are You Making This TribePro Mistake?My Profile

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  • Impact and Influence a skill that is transferrable to most jobs and businesses.

    I so agree with Kevin regarding the honesty, because if you are not it shows thru in everything you do!

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  • Hi Perry and Kevin! I really like doing consultations with prospects, that way I can ask questions so I’m using my listening skills and ask the kind of questions which will persuade (if they are ready) the prospect to make a decision about joining our team.

    It’s much more effective to do a consultation than a sales presentation in my opinion. regards from Julieanne
    Julieanne van Zyl recently posted..Network Marketing Business Nurturing systemMy Profile

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  • Well done and on the money – so to speak. I agree that Kevin’s done an excellent job of laying out the information – and anyone who’s been in sales for awhile understands the value of “ethical” influence. Thanks!
    marquita herald recently posted..The Research on GratitudeMy Profile

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  • In so much as persuasion involves the action of convincing some one, ie, possibly change their mind about something, then what you say about the means to use this method efficiently are tip top. I like that the order of your title in that influence comes before persuasion which sets the stage for the challenging task for developing a line of reasoned arguments, bring it to the fore, influence and ultimately persuade a prospect.
    Stevie recently posted..Meeting My Ex On A Dating Site After We Broke UpMy Profile

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