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5 thoughts as to why not call your friends, family and people you know as – your “Warm Market.

Words are the voice of the heart” Confucius

We may not be aware; but words we utter daily
may have different interpretations, even if you think that
they mean the same thing.

How do words affect our relationships in network marketing?

Read this article by Michael Oliver and post your thoughts on the use of the words “Warm Market”.

Thinking Like This Could Make Your Business A None Starter

By Michael Oliver

Words can take on unintended meanings and one of them is thinking about and calling your friends, family and people you know as – your “Warm Market.”

Here are 5 thoughts as why thinking like this could make your business fail before it gets off the ground and what to do about it.

1. Consider Eliminating The Name ‘Warm Market’ From Your Vocabulary.

How would you like to be thought about by one or your friends as his or her warm market? If you’re like about 85% of people – you wouldn’t! So why would you want to do the same thing to others? Instead, how about treating everyone as though they are unique and accept that they look at things differently than you? If you don’t your so-called ‘Warm Market’ will rapidly become an ICE MARKET!

People Are People, Not Objects!

If you treat people as objects to meet your own desires, without real consideration for theirs, they’ll return the discourtesy!

The way they do this is most fascinating! Here are the tools they have at their disposal:

  • They’ll reject you
  • They’ll raise objections (to your behavior)
  • They’ll use the neatest trick of all that they have up their sleeves… they’ll join you and then do NOTHING!

Unfortunately the ‘knock on effect’ is accumulative damaging. Treating people as objects damages  reputation of the industry and all Distributors and Direct Sellers.

Your acquaintances will take more kindly to you if, instead of immediately pouncing on them with a business proposition, you take time to discover first whether your solution might be proper.

Treat people as people. Learn how to ask, listen and discover. They have all the answers so why not ask them. Allow the Natural Law of Giving to work FOR you and not against you. The Law says, ‘What you give is what you get… which means, If you listen, people will listen to you.

2. Personalize Your List Of Potential Partners and Customers

If you want to comfortably and effectively call people you know, here’s a way you can do it.

  1. Take a blank journal and write out all their names on the first page/s.
  2. List each name on the remaining pages with each name having its own page. Write down as much as you know about each person… personality type, style, motivations, desires, dissatisfaction…and so on.
  3. Call them. Take time to find out more about them and expand on what you know. Find out how they feel about where they are at this
  4. time.  Ask questions and listen. Discover and help them (re)discover WHO they are and WHAT they want,

Keep yourself out of it. Don’t rush it. Take your time. No one ever said you must have a conclusion in the first dialogue.

3. Use A Dialogue Guideline – Not Scripts.

People can tell when you’re using some mechanical, inauthentic script written by someone you don’t know. It shouts out like a red warning light that the call is really about YOU and not them. It’s no different from the digitized voice of a telemarketer who is parroting what someone told him/her to say. So be aware of doing this!

Instead: write down key questions or points and using them as guidelines instead of reading them. Use your own style and personality instead of someone else. It’s all there in my book and my CD’s

4. There ARE Other ‘Markets’

Think about whether practicing on your friends is the best way to start a business. It used to work many, many years ago when people were hungry and open for anything… but times have changed Unfortunately, the old paradigms and techniques of approaching and pressuring people, which are still being taught, have not changed!

While friends and family can make excellent partners, provided they are approached correctly, consider starting by using other ways to generate leads. You’ll soon find what works for you.

5. Hold Back From The Need To Talk About You.

FORGET about your information and what you want to tell them.

Instead, find out if they have a need and what it is. Find out if they want to change their present circumstances. If there is a need and a want to change, offer your solution. If there is a need and no want to do something about it – let it go. If there is no need and no want to change – let it go and be happy for them!

All the nuts and bolts on how to do this are in my Home Study Course. Look out for it this week at a very special November Madness Special Price, including some real Natural Selling Bonuses.

Michael Oliver is an internationally recognized trainer, speaker and author and the founder of Natural Selling, the only sales training program designed to really end rejection and objections. Visit his blog and sign-up free to get blog updates by email, along with the latest news, free advice, more resources, and a lot more! Go now to http://www.michaeloliver.com. While you're at it, check out http://www.naturalselling.com.

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{ 44 comments… add one }
  • Nathan Gurley February 26, 2012, 4:48 pm

    Hi Perry, thank you for posting this article by Michael Oliver.

    I wish someone had told me these things when I first entered the sales arena. Nowadays, not only are friends and family out of the questions, but I don’t try to sell anyone. All I want to do is provide useful information and attract people who are like me and share similar interests to work together with.
    Nathan Gurley recently posted..5 Proven Strategies to Grow Your Facebook FanbaseMy Profile

  • Nile January 18, 2012, 12:39 pm

    You are so right. You really should not be selling to your friends. Normally I find my friends naturally coming to me and I never sell them at all. I do not care to sell to them as they are my support and whom I talk to constantly without putting my business in the mix. My family… same. And family is not exactly the best reference for your market as they will probably already think the world of you.

    It has always been a big no-no for me to sell to friends and family. It just feels weird….and like I’d be desperate for business.
    Nile recently posted..Blondish.net Podcast – Blogging and SEOMy Profile

  • Sue August 27, 2011, 10:55 pm

    You just taught me …Quit talking to every one I meet about nutrition….!
    Even those who need an answer …have no desire to make a change.
    Such an easy business…is really hard.
    Let me ask you, and all your followers….what is the answer?
    I’m thinking …news print
    Thank you for any input
    Sue Wilson FB

  • Marc Korn August 27, 2011, 10:08 pm

    Hi Perry,

    Thanks for sharing this post and these 5 great tips from Michael.

    People definitely don’t like being treated like objects and it is important
    to build a relationship and that is difficult if potential prospects or business partners are put off from the get go.

    I love the idea of Personalizing Your List Of Potential Partners and Customers. I do this, but not to the extent that Michael mentions and it would certainly assist in relationship development.

    We always have to remember that ” it is about our prospects and NOT about us” and keep ourselves out of the equation for optimal results.

    Keep this great info coming,
    Marc Korn recently posted..Les Brown On Why People FailMy Profile

  • Alexander Paul July 25, 2011, 6:55 pm

    Nice one Perry!

    I love the piece where Michael is talking about setting contacts names on single pages and we shall start thinking about the person we wrote down and mention what we know about them… Hahaha… sometimes it turns out we believe we know someone but in fact we start struggeling already with their birthdays. This makes 100% sense and not only in business, just in general relationship building alone.

    Thx for giving Michael some space on your blog to address us with these important messages.

    All the best,

    Alexander Paul recently posted..The Business Mentor – Four Essential Criteria When Searching For A MentorMy Profile

  • Dereck July 14, 2011, 3:15 pm

    Hey Perry,

    Personally I love #3. I rarely use scripts and when I do… it’s almost exclusively with a powerpoint presentation that I’m recording (just to keep me on task… I tend to rank).

    Personally, I don’t like the use of scripts and I think it really starts to teach people the wrong approach. It’s up to you to spread the message and to do it in a way that serves those who you communicate with by their needs.

    No every “perfect” script will work for everyone… and I’m with the belief that it won’t for most.

    Thanks for the pointers!

    Dereck recently posted..Email Marketing Tips: How To Install An Aweber Opt In Form On Your BlogMy Profile

  • Peter Fuller MBA July 13, 2011, 11:02 pm

    Thanks for sharing the post Perry.

    I always tell this story but it is a good one.

    I would attend events and practice talking with people. The thing is I had no opportunity to offer at that time. So I had no choice but to listen, ask questions, listen again and truly find out what they were looking for, if anything.

    It was great practice.

    Peter Fuller MBA recently posted..How to Attract your Niche to your Blog – Day 4 of 5My Profile

  • Raena Lynn June 26, 2011, 12:25 pm

    Hi Perry,

    Thanks for sharing this post by Michael Oliver on 5 thoughts as to why not call your friends, family and people you know as – your “Warm Market. I appreciate the idea that people are not objects and establishing relationship with them is the key to success. I for one, do not approach friends or family for business, unless they come to me and are seeking a solution for a problem. If I can provide the solution, I will.

    Another great point is not using scripts. Every program I have been in provides “scripts.” I can’t use them because they are too mechanical as the article stated. Learn how to ask, listen, and discover is the best advise!

    Thanks Perry,
    Raena Lynn
    Raena Lynn recently posted..Video Conferencing? TSA iWowWe ReviewMy Profile

  • David Merrill June 1, 2011, 9:44 pm

    Pretty good place to start your consideration of network marketing for any MLM or direct sales company, Perry.

    I love Michael’s thoroughness and his emphasis on treating people like people instead of sales leads, be they warm, cold or anything in between.

    This is really a must-read before signing on to a “great company” without having any idea of how to market other than writing a list of friends and family.
    David Merrill recently posted..Can You Really Profit From Internet MarketingMy Profile

  • Andy Nathan April 20, 2011, 8:01 am

    I always love it when someone decides to pitch me on their “greatest new” endeavor. They see my social network, and their mouths salivate until they get a little teary eyed when I shoot them down for not understanding what I want to achieve. Everyone has a great product, but not everyone wants to be pitched. Generally when a company told me to list my 100 nearest family and friends I knew it was time for me to quit a business.

  • Sigal Zoldan April 13, 2011, 2:32 am

    Perry, I am just coming back from a presentation of an MLM company. I went to support a friend of mine, met some great people…

    One of the Ladies (a top leader) made an attempt to listen to me. I said that I came to support my friend and that I am using the product for 2 years but I am not interested to join this adventure and add another business on my plate.
    After I said what I said I did feel like an object a little bit…
    But I have no hard feelings. I know that people in gathering like that are looking at guest as if they were potential coins dropping from a machine. It’s true that it doesn’t contribute to no one, like the object you are talking about here…but it’s an opportunity to learn and I thank you for bringing this point to light.
    I will be sharing this blog-post with others.

    Sigal Zoldan
    Clinical Hypnotherapist & Master Results Coach

    Still Single? http://AttractYourTrueLove.com
    Sigal Zoldan recently posted..4 Free Guided Visualizations – Here Is Why Should You Get Them ASAPMy Profile

  • Sheena Prailleau February 16, 2011, 6:16 pm

    Great points the biggest point is to treat people as humans and the friends that they are to you and not just look at them as a sale.
    Sheena Prailleau recently posted..The easiest way to put your business and sales on autopilotMy Profile

  • Michelle Morgan February 11, 2011, 8:44 am

    This post made me think for a while. Fort some people didn’t know much how this things are really working all they think of is $$… whew… thanks for sharing this..

  • Jamie Bennett February 8, 2011, 5:36 pm


    Great thoughts here…. I haven’t seen anyone address the warm market issue quite like this.

    Also, I have used a journal to jot down discussion notes about my prospects before, but never committed to actually writing thoughtful notes about the person’s personal life…. Great stuff.

    Jamie Bennett recently posted..The Strangest Secret By Earl NightingaleMy Profile

  • Pearly January 21, 2011, 10:58 am

    I learned so much from your post, thank you for that !
    Till now I still can’t let go of sharing some good opportunity to my nearest family members.

    Hmm…I certainly need to look into this again..sometimes it is very difficult to not thinking of people I love first 🙂

    Pearly recently posted..Can This Be Your Dream Too Part 2My Profile

  • Willena Flewelling January 16, 2011, 1:18 am

    There is so much wisdom and value in this article! What jumped out at me is this:

    “Your acquaintances will take more kindly to you if, instead of immediately pouncing on them with a business proposition, you take the time to discover first whether your solution might be appropriate.”

    It’s all about building relationships, and only after that foundation is laid, would I take the next step. I don’t like it when others approach me with their opportunity without even finding out if I’m looking. So why do that to anyone else?

    Thanks for sharing this great article, Perry!

    Willena Flewelling
    Willena Flewelling recently posted..When You Talk to Yourself- What Do You SayMy Profile

  • karin January 15, 2011, 5:33 pm

    You are giving some sound advice here. Don’t try to get your own immediate network to say yes to your business proposition just because it is hard for them to say. Rather find out if it would be a good fit for them, so that a partnership will be a win-win. Furthermore, if you think about it, in online marketing you can reach millions of people. Why not focus on those that are truly interested in what you have to offer.

  • Kevin Martineau January 15, 2011, 3:45 pm

    Hi Perry:

    Great post! Nobody wants to be seen as an object or target (especially our friends and family).

    Great tips!
    Kevin Martineau recently posted..Hilarious video- My Blackberry is brokenMy Profile

  • Kathy Jodrey January 13, 2011, 7:32 pm


    Thanks for posting this. I remember back when I first began in this industry, and had no clue about attraction marketing. I was taught to call everybody I know (even those who I knew thought I was crazy for doing what I was doing), and follow a canned script, complete with comebacks for overcoming objections.

    Needless to say, this never worked for me – and I am not the exception. It amazes me that these techniques are still being taught.

    Bottom line, whether you’re talking to people you know or total strangers, it’s all about providing value, meeting their needs, and helping them to sort out whether or not your opportunity is a good fit for them.

    Great find here!

    To Your WHealth,

    Kathy J
    Kathy Jodrey recently posted..Mike Dillard The Elevation Group- Lunatic Rantings Or SalvationMy Profile

  • Yorinda January 12, 2011, 2:37 am

    Hi Perry,
    using Michael Olivers technique would help creating relationships. People love to talk about themselves and in this day and age not a lot get that undivided attention from someone.
    Great post.

    Thank you.
    Have a prosperous 2011.

  • Linda Thomas January 8, 2011, 11:17 pm

    Hi Perry,
    I read that people have what is called a “vent list” and they have a “change list.” If something is on their “vent list,” they are only venting, and they are not ready to do anything about their issue. Items on the “Change List” are those about which someone is actively doing something. These are the ones that qualify for your time.
    Thanks for a great article. Looking forward to networking with you in this great new year.
    All the best,
    Linda Thomas recently posted..Stay Strong with Basic Values at ETCOMy Profile

  • Social Media Vanessa January 8, 2011, 1:41 pm

    Hi Perry:

    I can definitely agree with the points raised in this article. No one likes to feel like a number or a “market” of any kind. It is especially offensive for friends and family to be treated that way.

    Live with passion and purpose,
    Social Media Vanessa recently posted..Why Are You Using Social MediaMy Profile

  • Andrea Goodsaid January 8, 2011, 4:31 am

    Hi Perry –

    Have always appreciated Michael Oliver, but it’s been a long time since I’ve read anything by him – thanks for the reminder … great resource!

    Andrea Goodsaid recently posted..Personal Branding – if you think it isn’t for you … a coaching momentMy Profile

  • Gavin Mountford January 7, 2011, 9:49 am

    Hi Perry, hope you are well! I will only speak to my friends and family about any business I’m doing if I can truly see it will help their current situation. I know many people who just aren’t ready for a home based business and therefore I would never ask them to join.

    It would look bad on me when they failed because they weren’t ready.

    It’s the same with working online. Before I bring someone into my business I’ll always find out their vision for their life and business and if what I have can compliment what they are doing.

    I don’t like to take people away from their passion and purpose unless I can 100% help them.

    Many Thanks
    Gavin Mountford recently posted..5 Major Distractions &amp How To Eliminate Them – Part 2My Profile

  • Bill Cowan January 6, 2011, 5:27 pm

    Perry, thank you for the great information here and you are spot on my friend! Lots of people out there other than family and friends to take it to.

  • Jacqueline Gates January 4, 2011, 2:36 pm

    So refreshing to hear someone speak of the need to treat people like People, and find out more about them than waffling on about yourself!

    So many companies teach their distributors that “EVERYONE” is their market and so it’s quite novel to have a trainer say that it just might be a good idea to Talk to people and find out if what you have actually Is a good fit for them ~ I just love it!

    Thanks for sharing this post, Perry. The author certainly knows what he’s talking about.
    Jacqueline Gates recently posted..Intent vs Goals Part 2My Profile

  • Debbie Lattuga December 21, 2010, 11:26 am

    When you are building any sort of business, it’s important to hire the right ‘salespeople’. Most times your friends and family couldn’t get hired for any sales job.

    But every once in a while, when someone notices your success, they can rise and become that person they never were.
    Debbie Lattuga recently posted..No MistakesMy Profile

  • Angela Arnold December 15, 2010, 7:25 pm

    Hi, Perry,
    I love this post – especially “They’ll use the neatest trick of all that they have up their sleeves… they’ll join you and then do NOTHING!” That is a great trick, and one we have all fallen victim to, I imagine. Lots of great pointers. I can tell you have been in the trenches and learned a few things. Thanks for sharing.
    Angela Arnold recently posted..A Life Coach Can Help You Live Your DreamsMy Profile

  • Paul Reimers December 12, 2010, 1:17 am

    Thanks for sharing this,

    I believe that it all comes down to being in it to add value to others. Talking about a warm market can depersonalize the individuals and what their specific needs are. The biggest difference I have found and the best way to avoid coming off as pitchy or scripty is to come from the heart, find the needs of others and see if what you have to offer genuinely serves them.
    Paul Reimers recently posted..Abundance in Four MinutesMy Profile

  • Maggie Lancy December 10, 2010, 1:44 pm

    Excellent post Perry.

    If you treat people how you would want to be treated, that is the key.

    It is all about caring about people and what their needs are, whether it is people you know or not.
    Maggie Lancy recently posted..Guess who the Worst Boss isMy Profile

  • Lloyd Dobson December 10, 2010, 7:41 am

    Hello Perry,
    You have some great information in your article. Giving value always is the way you attract people to you and or your opportunity. If you can focus in on helping the other person get what they want, you will get what you want.

    Go out and make it a great day!
    Lloyd Dobson 🙂
    Lloyd Dobson recently posted..Why a Home Based Business The Truth About a Home Based BusinessMy Profile

  • Charles Allen II December 6, 2010, 7:47 pm

    When it comes to running a Network Marketing business from home. I feel it’s important to get training outside of the primary company. Friends and Family will place your business in the 97% that fail. Those that learn Sales Conversion, Lead generation, and Systematization fall in the Top 3%. I think this is great post for people to save them time and energy. Oh! Money too.
    Charles Allen II recently posted..GGomez Facebook Leads- How He Generated 477 Leads in 1 DayMy Profile

  • Ruth McCrackin December 5, 2010, 10:19 am

    Hi Perry,

    Absolute value has come out of this post today. I have learned to nurture people needs and not look at them as a product. People must know what are they motives? Are you really keen to helping others. I believe in your points and these resources will be valuable in the marketplace.
    Ruth McCrackin recently posted..Why Your Business Should Consider Reverse MentorshipMy Profile

  • Lorri Ratzlaff December 4, 2010, 11:41 pm

    Hi Perry, great post! I personally have NEVER been a fan of calling my friends and family. I did try it years ago, and it not only damages some relationships, it caused me great discomfort in the process. I decided then and there I would NEVER do that again!!

    Thanks for sharing!
    Lorri Ratzlaff recently posted..Prosperity Game Day 2My Profile

  • Nicole Rushin December 4, 2010, 10:44 am

    Great tips. Core marketing advice is to not think of your friends and family as your market at all. Use them as referral sources. More than likely they won’t effect your direct sales and they probably not interested in your business ventures other than in a supportive way.

  • Monick Halm December 2, 2010, 8:15 pm

    Hey Perry,

    This is a great post. Marketing now is much more about relationships between customers as individuals and and less about a static market. This is true even in the general marketplace, but is that much more appropriate when you’re talking about your friends and family. I really appreciate how you framed the issue. Thanks for this post.

    Monick Halm recently posted..Lawyer Turned Investment Banker And other NewsMy Profile

  • Mr. Personal Development Michael Berry December 2, 2010, 10:58 am

    Great post Perry. One of the real nuggets that everyone should get when prospecting is what you said “FORGET about your information and what you want to tell them.” Right on.
    Michael Berry
    “We all see and experience the world, not as it is, but as we are.”
    Mr. Personal Development Michael Berry recently posted..Do I Trust MeMy Profile

  • Melodie Kantner November 30, 2010, 3:46 pm

    Great post Perry. I have similar feelings. I never called my friends and family warm market, in fact, I never approach any of them about the business. I let them know what I do and I do things that make them ask me questions, like using product in front of them or sharing a product with them. It especially helps that I have products people feel results from in just minutes, but I never approach them about business. I have been in my company for almost 14 years. I have built my business by using other markets. Now some of my friends and family are approaching me because they observe my success and want in on it.
    Melodie Kantner recently posted..How to Set Up Friends List on FacebookMy Profile

  • Charles Allen II November 27, 2010, 11:34 pm

    Perry, I enjoyed reading your blog post. Most of my friends don’t know what I do to make money. However, that’s the wonderful thing about learning SEO Basics, Article marketing, Written word, Phone prospecting/Closing, and the Internet. It allows you to generate your own leads with people wanting to talk to you everyday. To build a real business from home marketing and skill set has to meet in order to be successful.
    Charles Allen II recently posted..SEO Basic Series 2 VideoMy Profile

  • Matthew Neer November 26, 2010, 4:12 pm

    Hey there Perry,

    You make some critical points here as to why you should NEVER called your friends and family as your warm market. It’s almost laughable to me, knowing what I know now about Network Marketing and online advertising.

    Thanks for sharing,
    Matthew Neer
    Matthew Neer recently posted..LGN Prosperity Is A Complete NO BRAINERMy Profile

  • Emma November 26, 2010, 5:05 am

    Hi Perry!

    My goodness if only more people could see that people are people rather than objects or dollar signs!!

    Most of the first contact I get online is a very scripted sales pitch, most likely a swipe copy from the company they’re with and sent to any person under the sun they could possibly contact, friends and family included!

    I understand when someone is excited about a new opportunity that they would want to share it with friends, family, everyone – this post is definitely a must read before they say a word to anyone!!

    I’ve not come across Michael Oliver before now – I will check him out, thank you!

    Kind regards,

    Emma 🙂
    Emma recently posted..Conquering FearMy Profile

  • Shari Weiss November 25, 2010, 10:55 pm

    Perry, your underlying contention here that language plays a powerful role in marketing is something I agree with wholeheartedly and has, in actuality, entered into some important planning meetings with colleagues of late.

    Specifically in two cases, my partners kept using phrases that I felt could easily be misinterpreted by our clients. I realized that too often we rely on “catch phrases”, [i.e. cliches] that can say something we didn’t mean to say,’

    Discussing the WAY we sat something can seem nit-picky, but it is actually critical if we want relationships where both parties are clearly understood.

    Thanks for your discussion on this general topic AND the fact that today’s business world is all about People doing business with People, and not inanimate entities.
    Shari Weiss recently posted..The “Secret” to Online Success — and offline- as well- GIVERS GAINMy Profile

  • karin November 24, 2010, 11:40 pm

    Approaching your family and/or friends with a business proposition in which you yourself have something to gain, is always tricky. Even if they are looking for change and your business might be a great fit for them, it will still feel like he/she cannot refuse the offer/deal. After all, they are your family or friend. This dynamics is unhealthy in my opinion. That is why I believe that you should only talk to them about an opportunity if they come to you.
    As a rule you should be focusing on prospects that have no ties to you, and don’t feel obligated to join because you asked for it. So, if you do get a yes, you know you are getting someone who is committed.

  • Dena-Lynn November 23, 2010, 9:48 am

    Hi Perry,
    When it comes to marketing, it’s all about exchanging value. Through learning Oliver’s emphasis on the discovery process through natural dialogue it becomes easy to ascertain whether or not family, friends, or any contact will benefit from your offering. Thanks for sharing his insight. I also recommend Oliver’s book, “How to Sell Network Marketing Without Fear, Anxiety or Losing Your Friends! (Selling from the Soul. Ancient Wisdoms. Modern Practice).”
    Great post 🙂
    Dena-Lynn recently posted..Building Relationships – Your Customer is Your Best FriendMy Profile

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